Setting up a kid's first phone: which phone, which settings, and which rules

The right first phone depends less on age than on the job you need it to do. Write down the honest answer before you shop.

• "I need to reach them and know where they are." Calls, texts and location. A smartwatch or a basic kid phone covers this.
• "They need group chats with friends and the class." Messaging, perhaps a few approved apps. A locked-down kid phone or a supervised smartphone.
• "They need the same phone their friends have." A full smartphone, with controls that loosen over time.

Starting with less and adding features later is far easier than taking them away. A child who gets a limited phone at 10 and a fuller one at 12 sees it as a promotion.

Most kid phones and watches need their own service plan, sometimes from a specific carrier, and the device itself is often sold separately. Compare total monthly costs on each company's site. Check also that any hand-me-down phone is still supported: an old phone that no longer gets security updates is a weak link. Our guide to keeping devices updated explains how to check.

Do this before the phone is handed over, ideally with your child next to you so they see what is turned on and why. Our parental controls guide has more detail on each tool.

1. Create a child account. On iPhone, add your child in Family Sharing from your own phone. On Android, create a supervised Google Account with Family Link. A child account means controls are managed from your phone and cannot be switched off from theirs.
2. Turn on purchase approval. Ask to Buy on iPhone, or Family Link's approval setting for Google Play. Every app and in-app purchase then needs your OK.
3. Set content limits. Age ratings for apps, films and music, and web filtering in the browser. Turn on SafeSearch.
4. Limit contacts. Screen Time's Communication Limits on iPhone lets you restrict calls and messages to approved contacts. Kid phones like Gabb and Pinwheel do this by default. Add family, a few close friends' parents, and an emergency contact.
5. Check Communication Safety (iPhone). Under Screen Time for your child, confirm Communication Safety is on. It detects nude images in Messages and some other apps, blurs them, and gives your child options to get help. The analysis happens on the device.
6. Set downtime. A schedule overnight and during school hours when only calls and a few apps work.
7. Turn on location sharing. Find My on iPhone, or location in Family Link. Talk about it openly. Kids who know their location is shared are less likely to feel spied on.
8. Lock down the basics. A passcode on the phone, the SIM PIN if your carrier supports it, automatic updates on, and Find My or Find My Device on in case it is lost.
9. Hold off on social media. The major platforms set 13 as their minimum age. That is a floor, not a recommendation. Many parents wait longer, and the decision is yours. When you do allow an account, set it up together, make it private, and go through who can message them.

A one-page agreement turns arguments into references. "We agreed the phone charges in the kitchen" is easier than inventing a rule at 10pm. Keep it short and write it with your child, not at them. Cover:

• Who owns the phone. Usually the parents, who lend it. That makes checking it a normal part of the deal rather than an invasion.
• When and where. No phones at meals, during homework, or after a set time. Where the phone sleeps at night.
• Apps and accounts. New apps need a yes first. Passwords are shared with parents until an agreed age.
• People. Only talk to people you know in real life. Never send photos you would not want a teacher to see. Never send money, gift cards or codes to anyone online.
• Problems. If something online scares, upsets or confuses you, tell a parent. You will not lose the phone for telling us.
• How it changes. Name a date, like each birthday, to review the rules and give more freedom.

Organizations such as Common Sense Media publish sample agreements you can adapt.

If you only enforce one rule, make it this one: the phone charges overnight somewhere other than your child's bedroom. A kitchen counter or a charging spot in your room both work.

The reasons are practical. Late-night group chats, endless video feeds and notifications all cut into sleep. Night is also when many of the worst online contacts happen, including the sextortion scams aimed at teenagers, because the child is alone and tired and no adult is nearby. Downtime settings help, but a phone in another room is harder to argue with.

Buy your child a cheap alarm clock so the phone has no excuse to be by the bed. Parents setting the same rule for their own phones makes it easier to sell.

Check in often at first and less later. Look at the Screen Time or Family Link reports together once a week. Ask what they like, what is annoying, and whether anyone has sent them anything weird.

Expect some friction. Your child will hit a limit that feels unfair, and sometimes they will be right. Adjusting a setting when they make a fair case teaches them the rules are reasoned, not arbitrary.

Teach a few safety habits early, while the stakes are low: do not tap links in texts from unknown numbers, never share a login code with anyone, and ask before entering personal details anywhere. Our guide to spotting phishing works for kids too. If the phone starts acting strangely, see how to tell if a phone is hacked.